dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
