eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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