Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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I need you to use more vowels.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
