A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
