saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
