my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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