Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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