i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
