I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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