I cannot find my penis.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
