We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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