I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
