I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
