I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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