pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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