What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
