I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
