he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
