Kiss
Puke
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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