wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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