Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
