I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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