Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
