I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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