My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize