you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
