Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
