well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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