I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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