I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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