She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
