Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
