...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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