So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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