If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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