i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize