Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
