Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
