You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
