I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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