Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
