Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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