theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
