she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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