I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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