I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We are two peas in an std pod
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
