dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
