What did we do last night that was yellow?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
