the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize