Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
