I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
