you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
