you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize