I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
