just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize