Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
