I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it's like iHOP with fire
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If the people youβre with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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