Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
