hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
