Sry I called you an 8
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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