So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
