imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
