when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
