yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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