so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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