So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
