I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
