My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
