C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I pour the whiskey from now on
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
