Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
FUCK WHALES
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
