I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
