how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
