I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
