So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
