I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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