So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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