Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
