I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
