i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
