Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
