I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
