He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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