I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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