remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
