You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
