well I can't set my house on fire every night
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i think i just lost a toe
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
