I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
