have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
