so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
