Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
