he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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