Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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