I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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