there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There r osticjed everywhere
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
