it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
