My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
