Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
