Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I could fuck to npr.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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