Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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