farters have to be the big spoon...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize