Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize