This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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