Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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