I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize